It has come to my attention that certain customary and vital barbecue practices have experienced significant deviation and erosion. Therefore, I hereby issue this new directive to all Alpha Males on the proper etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity.
When a Man volunteers to handle the Barbecuing, the following chain of events are immediately executed:
- The Woman buy the food.
- The Woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
- The Woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with all the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the Man who is lounging beside the grill—-cigar and beer in hand.
- The woman remains outside the compulsory 10-Foot exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other Alpha Male bonding maneuvers may take place without the interference of the Woman.
Here is the critical part of this Standard Operating Procedure:
- The Man place the meat on the grill.
- The Woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
- The Woman comes out and tells the Man that the meat looks great. The Man thanks the Woman and asks her to bring out another beer while he flips the meat.
More critical elements of this Standard Operating Procedure:
- The Man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the Woman.
- The Woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, condiments, and brings them to the table.
- After eating the delicious meat, the Woman clears the table and does the dishes.
Most critical of all:
- EVERYONE PRAISES THE MAN, and GRACIOUSLY THANK HIM FOR HIS OUTSTANDING BARBECUING PROWESS.
- THE MAN ASKS THE WOMAN HOW SHE ENJOYED HER NIGHT OFF, AND UPON SEEING HER ANNOYED REACTION, CONCLUDES THAT THERE’S JUST NO PLEASING SOME WOMEN!
Download Cigar Dave’s Barbecue Standard Operating Procedures for your reference.